whatever … so be it

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My rented flat has been sold.  I’m packing up; where I’m off to remains a mystery.

It has always been thus in this scribbler’s Lifedream.  The veils hiding the way ahead only vaporize once all present business has been tidied up and folded away and the old doors are closed.

This used to infuriate me – why wasn’t my life laid out in the apparently ordered and predictable manner demonstrated by … other, ‘together’ people?


Blind Men on a Log bridge
Hakuin Ekaku
The Gitter Collection

I feel like one of Hakuin’s blind men.  But this time round, I’m strangely relaxed, loose even.  How could one possibly outguess the unknowable movement of Creation-aka-Life-aka-Totality?

If a dip in the river is called for, so be it.

~

the pointer called passion

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Whatever you are drawn to do from a sense of inner compulsion, from a sense that may seem irrational or even foolhardy, is precisely what will take you towards the truth of yourself.  It will be your unique version of ‘the finger pointing to the moon.’

The great Life lesson is always the same, always the apperception of what one actually is, via understanding of what one is not.

The events that unfold as you follow the compulsions may turn out to be fortuitous or they may seem to be awful mistakes.  Very often regrets are involved.  But don’t be fooled:  disappointment is the greatest teacher of all.

My passion has always been to create.  What creating taught me was that I-as-artist didn’t exist, which sounds devastating for the ego.  And it was.  But it simultaneously revealed the non-personal truth of the vastness and glory of the life I had, in ignorance, called ‘mine.’

Creativity, if it’s genuine, will always flow from the unknowable and the immeasurable.  If I know what I’m doing I’m not engaged in creativity.  I’m simply rearranging the known.

~