There’s a sense of the galaxy of the known receding. Yet I cannot say ‘behind’ me, for there’s no sense of forward movement; no pulling away or avoidance.
It’s more like gravity has lost its force and one floats in infinite space, directionless and positionless.
It’s like one is that space.
Then a call comes to communicate and one turns into some-thing that speaks, chews the old cud, spins the old stories, dances delightedly in the old dream…
And one never leaves that spaciousness for an instant.
out of this singing silence
that lives the wondrous
that animates uncountable versions of
and is never elsewhere than right
a fresh, yet everlastingly familiar
it is not a person
not an entity or an individual
yet all of these and all else as well
its quality is alive spaciousness:
it is this unborn I
while sleeping there was a dream
it was 9-11 and
I was there, @ground0
but – unfettered by a fixed point-of-perspective
within space – I was instead
the spaciousness itself
the planes hit
I saw details never mentioned in news reports
I watched, felt, wailed
as though it was happening
to this very body
then I woke up and it was all gone
the full-color, three-dimensional,
along with its spacious ‘experiencer’
this morning these eyes open
within another dream
a seemingly ‘real’ dream yet
made possible by that same sentient spaciousness
which hosted the eyes-shut scenario
there’s a palm frond fluttering and a whistler trying to be mindful
a bird is whistling too, but purposefully
there’s a toddler laughing in the crisp autumn sunshine
and a radio quacking the morning news
there’s toothache and tiredness
but the zafu beckons beguilingly
sit! sit! sink into wondrous spaciousness
the source of all that is being perceived and sensed
how could something called spaciousness
be so alive, alert, aware and utterly unknowable?
what does surrender mean?
who does it?
and to what?
in the context of these notes, it’s a verb that takes no subject or object
it attempts to describe what ‘happens’ when the self-as-doer-construct dissolves, and the body-mind-being understands that it is purely and simply lived by Life
there’s no one feeling either happy or sad about this
but the sense of spaciousness is immense