when my love
for the wondrous world grows dull
and the world stops stopping
at the sill of my senses
my wild naked knowing
that where I find myself
is a place I’ve outgrown
my pool has become safe
and whatever it is in this blood
that drives me upstream
will not take no for an answer:
I have to go
. . .
I will gasp in a new atmosphere
I will feed on unfamiliar fodder
I will ignore the old mating calls
. . .
what’s clear is this: on the far side
of comfort, habitude and certainty
and creativity is life’s unknowable agenda
Is it true that living naturally, fully, wholly,
is something that one can turn into a goal,
an ultimate state?
Some say that the moment Life is assessed
by a cognizing process
and assigned a value on a scale of how-things-should-be,
the minute Life is seen to need changing
and plans are laid to alter Life’s flow –
that’s when Life’s lost.
They claim that’s when one begins to wonder
why the marvel of living has dried up,
why one feels only half alive, why one feels as though
drowning in a sea of ‘shoulds’.
However, these are devious dualistic perspectives;
they make grand promises they cannot deliver.
The trick to living naturally, fully, wholly
is simply to embrace the Totality of Life
and realize that you are inseparable from IT.
Whatever is happening is Life’s design.
If there’s desire to change anything, that’s Life’s desire.
If there’s desire to remember the Truth, that’s Life’s desire.
If one forgets to remember, that buck stops with Life as well.
And in case a crucial little line above passed you by
I will put it here, again:
… and realize that you are inseparable from IT…
This morning ‘I’ opens eyes in a new version of world-ing.
This morning the great Shining slips through slits in wooden window shutters.
I rise with its rays, make green tea in a different kitchen.
This morning’s view from the zafu opens out over cerulean, cobalt, turquoise
blending to ultramarine at the horizon: the Coral Sea.
Utter lusciousness for an artist’s brain.
This morning’s body is stiff and sore, tired and protesting.
There will be a quieter day today, methinks. But who can tell?
Life’s agenda and my own often don’t match!
This morning, as always, I-eye just watches,
serenely unaffected and seriously contented.
“How do you find the time to sit?” I’m asked.
Well, I don’t. I will explain.
Decades passed with ml desiring more time to sit.
The cushion was ever calling, but she was a self with things-to-be-done.
They lined up in lists and no matter how many were struck off, accomplished, more recruits would appear to replace them.
She longed for more time in which to achieve all the must-do’s that self spun around its existence.
She longed too, for the space and silence of the zafu.
And all that longing created conflict.
So, what changed all that?
When the impossibility of ml’s existence as a separate solid entity was seen, everything shifted.
ml was replaced by Life, Itself, and Life loves using the zafu as its launch-pad for the return to Itself – point ZERO.
So I confess I don’t have to find time; nor is it really true to say, “I sit.”
But it happens.
Like many baby-boomers, for decades I labored
to find my authentic self
to be true to my inner self
to listen to my higher self
to express my creative self
to obey my intuitive self
to heal my wounded self
to look after my precious self
to live my personal-power self
to find the purpose of my life
and to have a life of my own
Whatever the non-event was that ‘happened’ here, it sent these 10 files and their contents to the trashcan and emptied it. And the amazing thing is that every single issue dissolved; it now seems absurd that any of it mattered. The striving was the only thing that kept authenticity and creativity at remove. The believing I was a person with a purpose smothered Life’s agenda – which was beyond the scope of my imagination.
All these selves! All lining up with their demands. All promising fulfillment. Wouldn’t it make sense to first find out whether any of them are real? What one discovers changes everything – without changing any-thing!