I had a death dream

287

I’m standing on the deck of a boat of some kind. The sea is benign, but there’s a heaving swell which is making it tricky to tie up at the wooden pier. I’m thinking about how to get my little suitcase onto the pier, trying to assess the rhythm of the swells. I toss the bag but miss the moment by a fraction and it catches on something on the pier then tumbles into the water. I’m not too worried, thinking it will float and be retrievable.

Then I’m standing in the water, which now appears to be a kind of estuary. The bag’s still floating, but a swift current has caught it and is carrying it further out. Dogs are swimming out to it. (Varanasi flashbacks!) It’s moving faster than I can run. Then it moves into open, choppy water, becoming submerged, and I know it’s gone.

I stand there, trying to recall what was in the bag: clothing, a pearl necklace given by a beloved, a jump-drive holding all my writing and images of my artwork, a notebook, another book, or two. I’m unfazed. There’s no sense of loss or anxiety.

The dream ends.

During the day the thought arose again and again:  I had a death dream.

For surely dying must be just like that, like simply watching the little bag that holds your identity kit together – all the accessories and loved phenomena of a Life – float away on the outgoing tide of oceanic consciousness. The wild awareness that has been watching for that entire Life-time (and all others) simply continues to watch …

~

the tao of incense

120

. . .

the smoke streams up from the tiny red-hot tip of the incense stick
it swirls, dances, languishes, rises, traces curious calligraphy in the air
it blesses the space it swims within with perfume
it flows with the air movements and resists nothing
and when that burning ember has done its time
the smoke simply disappears into its source:
the sacred space that kept the ember alive

the perfume lingers …

this is a Life story

~

Image source: designgzzz.com

immense unfathomable spaciousness

08

what does surrender mean?

who does it?

and to what?

in the context of these notes, it’s a verb that takes no subject or object
it attempts to describe what ‘happens’ when the self-as-doer-construct dissolves, and the body-mind-being understands that it is purely and simply lived by Life

there’s no one feeling either happy or sad about this
but the sense of spaciousness is immense

unfathomable

~