the sun rose
with no sympathy for a small-time insomniac
the heart sang
drowning out mind’s misery-mongering
an unavoidable Presence ‘watched’
aloof and impartial
and yet inextricably absorbed
within every thought and feeling and deed
(there was caring and cleaning and caring and cooking and caring
and shopping and caring and listening and caring and playing and caring
for the adorable ancients whose turn it is to be my toddlers)
the sun set
the heart sang
its little song of gratitude
Habitual sleeping patterns are being trashed, like most other habit-bound activities. Initially there was anxiety about this. All the usual fears around insomnia clamored to be heard.
When the penny dropped through the works and took with it the ‘wee-me’ that thought it was more than just a thought, it was no longer possible to be anxious about … well, anything really – not for long anyway. This brings a new view on conditioned expectations and intentions about what ‘should’ be. They are noticed for what they are and slip away under that scrutiny.
Sensitivity to what this energy mandala called body really needs – and it does have needs according to its unique configurations and evolution – sets conflicting mind-views at rest.
If this body doesn’t wish to sleep at night, as is the norm, so be it! Let it sit. Let it sink into its natural throbbing silence. In deep sleep, with the ‘thinking’ button turned off by default, there is only this great silence. In sitting as suchness, no stories spinning, that same great silence is all-embracing. Beloved!