when I talk to you

258

When I talk to You
do I talk to an object?

You are the Beloved,
– my known ‘Beingness’.
But is Beingness a ‘thing?’

I look and I find You displayed
wherever my senses land
wherever my thoughts lead…

You never hide
but You cannot be found
or defined.

Yet You only display your creation
– ‘world’ –
via this energy pattern called ‘me’ –
an infinity of ‘me’s.

And I – (with open awe and wonder)
realize that there is no I
that can be anything apart from You.

When I talk to ‘world’
in every shape and form
I talk to You

Beloved.

~

how cool is that, Beloved?

247

Grasping the impossibility of a separate autonomous self with which one can ‘I’dentify opens the door to savage wisdom.

Awakening to the now-ness, this-ness and here-ness of consciousness playing the phenomenal self, to its marvelous imPERSONation within Life’s dream, is awakening to freedom.

At last one can speak authentically of self-love, for all versions of self are none other than IT knowing ITself.

How cool is that, Beloved?

~

fierce grace visits

230

What I notice when amnesia sneaks in and I begin again to claim doer-ship and control over tomorrow, doggedly pushing on, blindly following the ruts of conditioning and posing as supreme controller, is this:

Something happens to bring me back,
and, probably because I’m a gritty goer,
it happens to my body.

(Arm gets rms: can’t scribble or type,
back goes out: can’t stand at easel,
knee explodes: can’t move.)

Something makes me stop, sit, shut-up
and free-fall yet again
into the what-is of this life I call mine.

That ‘something’ is what I know as Grace.
It’s usually fierce.  Definitely not fluffy.

I’ve learned to love it as my most treasured Beloved,
for it returns me to ITself.

~

what is this?

209

[Inquiring into THIS – referred to here as ‘IT’, unlit light, primordial awareness, wideawakeness, unknowable knowingness, Beloved – is a practice often recommended in nondual teachings.]

 

THIS

 

What is this?

Is it nameable?
No – not truthfully – it is prior to all naming.

Is it a thing?
No – it can’t be found or measured.

Is it nothing?
No – it’s everywhere ‘I’ looks
listens, touches, tastes, smells, feels.

THIS

is

whatever

IS

striped naked
self-luminous
and
inescapable

~

defining awareness and consciousness

197

Awareness and Consciousness – these two words are often used interchangeably.  But my teachers were sticklers for using the right word in the right place and I’m a bit of a pedant as well.  So I’ve been inquiring into what I mean when I use these terms.

Consciousness is its content – or, all that is consciously known.  (Krishnamurti, Bohm)  There’s no access to perception’s data – or memory of it – without consciousness. And we can now observe it and measure it with awesome scientific instruments.

And here’s the key point:  If it can be observed and measured, influenced and affected, consciousness must be a type of object.  It has a host of functions, but they aren’t static ‘things’ so much as processes.  However, even as processes, functioning, there’s still (you must look very closely) an awareness of such processes.  Something silent and changeless watches the computer’s analysis without analysing, witnesses all the experiments and research without opinion or conclusion.  Something that cannot be objectified.

We have never yet succeeded in observing or measuring or affecting that fundamental, primordial Awareness in any way via any technology.  That’s the difference between Awareness and Consciousness as far as I’m concerned.  I equate primordial Awareness with Emptiness, and view IT as the source and substance of all the functions of consciousness.
 

Primordial awareness is the Beloved.
Consciousness creates ITs dream.

 

But don’t be deceived:
they are not two.

~

wouldn’t you want to know?

185

A dear friend calls – a woman who has spent her life on the spiritual path, ceaselessly seeking and serving, and now in her 8th decade.  The power of evil in the world, she says, is too much for her.  She no longer believes in the power of goodness.  She’s contemplating a premature departure.

I sit.  An echo arrives.  It’s not exactly comforting.  It’s an invitation:

Beloved, brave Beingness –

Leave if you wish, but don’t kid yourself that you’ll leave evil behind.

The concepts of evil and its partner, goodness, are inextricably intertwined.  And – they exist only in the thought-system of a perceiver.

Wouldn’t it be a better idea to check out for yourself – before it’s too late – who or what this perceiver is?  Perhaps its information isn’t the full story.  Perhaps it’s making up a story that’s not true.  Wouldn’t you want to know?

Find that perceiver.  Track it to its burrow, feel its terror at being exposed, notice its valid and invalid functions.

Finding, tracking, feeling, noticing … who or what does any of this?  Can it be observed and examined?

It’s possible only if you conceptualize it – turn it into an object to be observed.

But then the hunt begins again, and again … for some-thing that’s just another fragment of the thought-system.

Stop!

What’s left when the mind’s merry-go-round stops?

When the giddiness subsides into stillness?

Beloved! 
~

great silence welcomes insomniacs

176

Habitual sleeping patterns are being trashed, like most other habit-bound activities. Initially there was anxiety about this.  All the usual fears around insomnia clamored to be heard.

When the penny dropped through the works and took with it the ‘wee-me’ that thought it was more than just a thought, it was no longer possible to be anxious about … well, anything really – not for long anyway.  This brings a new view on conditioned expectations and intentions about what ‘should’ be.  They are noticed for what they are and slip away under that scrutiny.

Sensitivity to what this energy mandala called body really needs – and it does have needs according to its unique configurations and evolution – sets conflicting mind-views at rest.

If this body doesn’t wish to sleep at night, as is the norm, so be it!  Let it sit.  Let it sink into its natural throbbing silence.  In deep sleep, with the ‘thinking’ button turned off by default, there is only this great silence.  In sitting as suchness, no stories spinning, that same great silence is all-embracing.  Beloved!
~