noname’s lament


a Very Dear someone-I-know
likes to be called ‘I Am’
he says it’s the most powerful name
one can adopt
(the masters told him so)


I tease him and tell him to call me
‘I’m Not’


he’s unamused; he’s very earnest about
his spiritual status and frequently
sends me to Coventry
for my irreverence


I’m probably over-pedantic
(blame it on my story as an ex-educator)
but from the moment it was seen
what ‘I’ is – when IT was fully unclothed
and revealed as naked Presence –
the ‘Am’ has been superfluous
so has the ‘Am Not”, strangely enough,
but kid sisters l-o-v-e to goad)


isn’t the “I am” statement the ultimate oxymoron?
it’s both incongruous and self-contradictory…


the only verb-form ‘I’ can logically take is an IS
for there’s nothing about ‘I’
that could be called personal,
given its inextricability from whatever ‘it’
knows or does


and yet, our entire manner of speaking insists
that we stand as separate objects
when irreducible BE-ing is all that


yes, it’s grammatically incorrect
(teacher winces, adjusts glasses)
but it’s unarguably accurate
in terms of one’s experience


my much-missed bro
when can I come home
and play with you again?


6 thoughts on “noname’s lament

  1. My best friend some months ago told me she just suddenly knew that she was I Am.There was nothing else she could be. She seems to have walked through the gate – there is a vast difference about her, and she surely knows she is not a barbara or anything else. She just lost her husband after a long illness and says there’s no separation at all: he is with her as her.
    So maybe your brothers IAm is an intellectual one – it seems like it, if he gets sore when you tease him ! 🙂
    When i say IAM, it is a knowing that this is the essence of life itself – being. It includes all.

    1. Leelah – this is a great comment, thank you. May your friend’s knowingness of her true identity be stable – it must be wonderful for you to have a close friend who is standing in truth!

      I agree – I was disrespectful of my bro’s adopted ‘I Am’ precisely because his behavior was not in alignment with the label! It was an intellectual one, but then again, my criticism was also intellectual – sibling rivalry no doubt. It’s been a long, long time since we saw each other. Both must have grown. I wonder what would happen now?

      I like your take: “It includes all.” One of the subtle ways the ‘I Am’ identity can deceive is if there is any exclusion whatsoever, which indicates that there’s still separation from that “essence of life itself”. In most cases there is still a solid-state ‘me’ in belief/action. Until, as with barbara, there’s not…

  2. interesting – there is nothing to say that qualifies the ‘am’ after you have said the ‘I’ except – poignantly – that you miss your brother; no wallowing in emptiness but a cleanly felt emotion

    1. Hello Mark – yes, there’s clean emotion. Movement called “missingness”. Estrangement. We were such good chums as kids. The most potent lessons in letting-go seem to be facilitated by family…

      And disappointment’s great gift is that it never fails to drop-kick one back into the Real. Aaaargh!

      Thanks for your comment. I’m enjoying your writing…

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